Just a Thought...

I just want to share a thought with you, my little one(s) and with you, my readers...

But first, some of the wonderful things that people have had to say to us since we were placed with our first little guy via Foster Care.

"I'm so happy for you guys!!! Mazel tov!!!"

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I don't think a Facebook comment can express how frickin' happy I am for you and Henry and Baby Z. Sending you 1000 hugs. Hooray!!!!!!!!!!"

"Are you referring to Henry or your first Foster Child?"

"What's that new fragrance you're wearing? Regurgitated formula? It's exhausting, messy, and sometimes stressful, but always beautiful."

"Just wanted to say that I work with Special Ed preschoolers, and I see the difference that their Foster Parents make in their lives. So, I thank you and Henry both for being Foster Parents!"

"Welcome to the club! Life, as you know it, will never be the same. I am sooo happy for you both and even happier for Z...he is a lucky little dude! And by the way Joel, The Stroller Does Make You Look Gay! :-) xoxo! Your blog is very entertaining...you guys need your own reality show. I think there is an opening on TLC(Kate just got axed)."

Now, Back to my thought...

I've spent a great deal of time with this blog talking about how, one day, I would "Make My Family." My thought as I was driving home today with a box full of lovely baby things that a friend has given us to make use of was this...I have already begun "Making My Family." The love that has poured out of people for Henry and I during these last few days feels very "Family" to me.

Thank you Everyone for all of your well-wishes and advice. Thanks for being so supportive. Thanks for all of the extra resources you're sending our way in whatever form. And most of all, thank you being "there," whether five miles away, five hundred, or five thousand miles away...you've made our house very "full."

Thanks for reading.

maybe it's just me...

hi friends! here we go again...put your seatbelts on.

i've got a couple of things on my mind. most of them is the result of a many conversations that i've had, but i'm going to start with a recent one i had with a lovely friend of mine, but i'm probably going to ramble on a bit, once i get started...

so, i'm chatting with my girlfriend and i mention that i've started this Blog, and that's it's been really fun getting some of my thoughts, feelings, and some of the information that i've gathered out there for the world to see. i think that i must have forgotten to tell her when i got this show on the road, so i had to catch her up on everything that i've learned. i basically ran down every post that i've made so far...

now, for the purposes of this post and not offending any of the wonderful people that i have ever had the pleasure of discussing any of my possible methods of becoming a father, i plan on funneling my reaction to this particular conversation into an amalgam of reactions that i've felt during others that were similar...i've been having these conversations for a while now...i've educated plenty of people on some of the topics i'm covering in this Blog...i know that i am surrounded by wonderful listeners...i love you all.

that said, i'm having this conversation...and i've already covered the absolute "no" on gays adopting within the state of Florida. we've already moved on to the subject of surrogacy, which everyone is so quick to bring up, by the way. i'm telling her about the outsourcing of surrogacy to India, and how expensive it can be here in the States...blah blah blah...when i tell her how much it can cost, she poops her pants!!!

just kidding!!!

but she is flabbergasted. as am i. i can hadly believe it when i speak the words "one-hundred-and-forty-thousand-dollars" in the same sentence with, "how much it could cost me to become a father."

people have no clue...about lots of things.

i'm finding that none of us really have any clue about things that don't affect us. i include myself in this. i have no clue how much it would cost to put a child into private school, or to send one to college these days. i have no idea how much it rains in Spain this time of year...yadda, yadda...

but lately, i'm also finding that i'm having this irritated reaction to the fact that people have no clue about the costs of these things that are going to directly affect me.

i am going to have to pay to become a father. i will either have to move in order to adopt a child through another State, or to have one placed with me in a more-costly Private Adoption. i have to understand that here, for now, i am somehow less-than most of my fellow citizens, in the eyes of the Law. i may have to pay astronomical sums of money to have a baby using a surrogate. i may have to somehow wrap my head around the idea of "baby-farming" in order to get the family that i have always dreamed of. i am, though, realizing that maybe this is me being quite self-involved at the moment.

this is my journey.

welcome.

farther along in this conversation, another little something popped up...a question..."do you know anyone that you could ask to have the baby for you?"

um, no.

listen, i know that there're people out there who have wonderful friends who have done this for them. i've seen the movies, and read the happy ending stories. i know that some women might jump at the chance to do something amazing like this for friends that mean the world to them...men that they might look at as being the perfect guys to be a father to some deserving child.

i wish it was me.

i just don't have those friends.

this isn't the first time that someone has thrown something like this out to Henry and i. several acquaintances have told us that we should just find someone to "have a baby for us."

how does this happen?!! who does this?!!

what aggravates me is that something that is so easy for some people, making a family...having children...is such an up-hill battle for Henry and i. it is not my "birth-right" to have a child. i cannot do it on my own. for now, i cannot adopt a child that needs a loving home. it's unfair, and it makes me cry...but it only makes me want to be a father more.

and another thing...there's this suggestion that people throw out sometimes that we should just have a kid with someone, and make this new sort of family unit...like it's that easy!!? two dads and a mom...hmmm...or maybe the idea that two gay guys finding two lesbians who want a family also is some sort of gay "ideal family" that people think that we want.

not for nothing...why would two women, who could get pregnant on their own should they choose, want to hitch their wagons to those of two men in order to create this giant multi-parent family? that'd be even harder for the crazy right-wing conservatives to figure out than just the idea of two women or two men wanting to raise families!!!

i want to raise my kind of family. i don't want to make this giant gay commune-type family. i can't imagine anyone thinking that this would be something that would be the "best-case scenario" for a couple of gay guys or gals.

i married my husband just like Mrs. So-and-So married hers...and i want to raise a family with him, not he, and a few of our friends.

but maybe it's just me...

a chit chat with my mom...

So, yesterday evening I had a nice, long chat with my Mom. I was telling her all about having started this blog(she hasn't read anything on here yet...she's not very internet-savy), and what it's going to be about, yadda yadda yadda...She's excited, needless to say. She just wants a grandkid!!!

I wanted to run by her the idea of this documentary, Google Baby, some thoughts on using a surrogate, and the fact that I had contacted TAMMUZ.COM to find out a little more about how their whole operation works.

side note:I have been contacted by that company. We're in the process of setting up a time for a conference call to chat. I'm sure I'll have more on that subject very soon. Maybe I can get him to send me a copy of the documentary so I can see it!!!

Okay! Right! Back on topic.

So, in discussion with my Mom, I told her that I had some weird feelings about using a surrogate. Especially one all the way around the world in India. I expressed that I thought that I'd also have similar feelings about using a surrogate here in the United States. The only difference for us using an American surrogate, I guess, would be the fact that I would be a little more able to be a "part" of the pregnancy. you know, calling every so often to see how things were going, bothering her by telling her not to work to hard, etc...

I basically feel strange about the idea of baby farming...But then, I am a very matter-of-fact guy...

My Mom's take on the whole thing is, that if Henry and I have a baby, through adoption or surrogacy...everything, whichever process we choose, is a means to an end. The end result being...Henry and I having the family that both of us dream about. And isn't that what all this is all about?

I think it is...

I think that everyone I could ask about any of this would have something different to say... something about adoption, and where from, that might make someone nervous...something about which surrogacy service and their methods that might creep someone else out. But it is my path.

Only Henry and I can say what's right for the two of us. And in general, I think that there are parts of my journey that might not sit well with lots of people...We can only follow our heats. Henry and I, and loads of other families looking into adoption or surrogacy, are swimming upstream here. This is our New Frontier, our Outer Space, our 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. There're no rules...except ones that prevent us from adoption, or even being legally married, in our own state(Florida) for us to follow.

But I intend on having what is rightfully mine, in this world, before anyone tells me I'm allowed to have it...then I'll give 'em all the finger while pushing 2 babies in a stoller, while Henry has one on his shoulders, and is holding the hand of another...

Joel

just a little thank you...

okay, so i'm going on and on about this blog on my facebook page and i just wanted to share a little bit of the love that has been sent our way. i'm not using the names of our friends, but i am going to use their exact quotes...

"I love it! Best of luck with your journey!"

"You are what I've always wanted"...so beautifully said. Any child would be lucky you have you. And your mom rocks"

"I can't wait to read more as you continue this journey."

"JOEL,, I AM NOT EVEN SURE THAT YOU REMEMBER WHO I AM... BUT I REMEMBER YOU AND WE HAD MANY GOOD FUN TIMES TOGETHER. ANYWAY,, THE POINT TO THIS MESSAGE IS I READ YOUR BLOG,, WHICH I REALLY ENJOYED BY THE WAY... AND I SAW WHERE YOU AND HENRY WANT TO HAVE A CHILD. I THINK THAT IS THE BEST THING EVER.. SO PRECIOUS! I DO NOT KNOW ANY OTHER WAY TO SAY THIS EXCEPT JUST SAY IT,, ONLY BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO OFFEND YOU...BUT MY AUNT IS IN A SAME SEX RELATIONSHIP,, AND WELL THEY HAVE A LITTLE GIRL! I KNOW THAT THIS MIGHT NOT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU,, BUT I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT THEY ARE VERY VERY HAPPY WITH THEIR FAMILY AND ARE WONDERFUL PARENTS. BASICALLY... I JUST WANTED TO WISH YOU WELL, AND TELL YOU THAT I THINK THAT IT IS SO PRECIOUS!"

"Hi Joel, I signed onto your blog and read the first paragraph and my eyes filled up with tears. I look forward to watching your progress. My story may not be the same, but I tried for years to have my Sophia so I understand the want and "need" to be a parent. There is nothing more fullfilling. The road may not be smooth, but well worth the hard work. I'm sure you have wonderful support, but want you to know I am here if you are looking for more! Much love to you and Henry. XO"

you guys will never know how lovely it feels to be surrounded by so much love at the beginning of a journey like this. it's wonderful to know that henry and i have so many people who think so highly of us that you take the time to say so. thank you, thank you, thank you all so very much...and not just those that are showing us love on facebook, but to those of you who are commenting right here on my blog.

joel