Sunday, October 31, 2010

For Your Father on His Forty-Seventh Birthday...

you know i don't believe in much.
my personality will only let me appear
just so spiritual,
and i'm far from "touchy-feely,"
but i believe in me
and i believe in you.
i have faith in the life we're making
because you make me better than i am,
and for whatever reason
my "crazy" hasn't scared you off just yet.
i believe our love clears the way
for infinite possibilities
for a family, travel to far-flung places,
fits of hysterical laughter,
quiet mornings reading the paper,
and the two of us
turning into old men together.
i believe "the world just gets out of our way"
so that our dreams can come true.
just us, just you, just me.


Thursday, October 28, 2010

two e-mails...

hi there friends! my apologies for having gone so long between this post and my last. i felt that i had reached a little bit of an impasse and i wasn't sure how to proceed.

while super excited to be finding out all of the information i had been able to learn about the possibility of international surrogacy cutting down the cost of my Henry and i having a child, we still just don't have thousands of dollars lying around. and i have to admit that i was a little upset to find that, at the time of my inquiry, it was actually illegal for an adoption agency to even place a child with Henry and i due to the fact that we live in the state of Florida.

i have to say that when i found that it was illegal to adopt privately because of where i currently live, i was shocked and a little depressed. as i say above, i felt that i had reached a point where i had no other options since Henry and i aren't moving anywhere else anytime soon.

i also have to share that placing a monetary amount on my ability to have a family, with regards to the idea of surrogacy, doesn't feel good. it's feels miserable, actually. and i also found it sad to feel like i was even beginning to perceive what i had in mind as "buying" a baby.

well...things have changed.

i'll share a quick story...something that i will remember for the rest of my life, especially if i become a father through whatever process.

Henry and i were recently on vacation. we visited some cousins who still live in the town in Spain where his grandparents were from. we spent some time in Morocco and all over the south of Spain.

it was magic!!! a welcome distraction from the "funk" i was in.

anyway, we happened to be on the last stop of our trip. coming home was just on our horizon when i checked my e-mail one morning in Granada, Spain. i had two e-mails telling me basically the same thing.

now, i was aware of a court case here in Florida in which a judge in Miami had declared the decades-old ban on gays adopting unconstitutional. but i guess it had been making it's way through the court system in the state to higher and higher courts. like i said, i was aware, but wasn't sure if i had any faith in the state of Florida making any serious changes.

i was wrong!

both e-mails were from lovely women i know letting me know that evidently this case had made it to a high-enough court and that the final ruling was that this ban was actually unconstitutional.

it was over! gays would be allowed to adopt in Florida! the state had thirty days to appeal this decision, but at the time, the general consensus was that there would be no appeal. at the end of that thirty day mark, the ban would simply cease to be enforced.

so i was shocked.

but i was also stricken by how wonderful my life is. things happen for Henry and i. things work out. i always say to Henry that "the world gets out of our way" so that good things can happen for us.

sudden optimism? me? after being so saddened by my research to this point?

don't be such a cynical a-hole, Joel!

things do change, even in Florida.

now, i'm not going to say that i'm living in a place of restored faith, since my state doesn't recognize my marriage, but...i'm operating from a hopeful place.