Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Some of the ABC's of private adoption...

hi friends!!!

this is going to be a good one, so put your seat belts on!

where to begin...so far i've blogged a little about surrogacy, adoption impossibilities, state laws, and our joy at the sudden change in those laws which make the aforementioned adoption impossibilities in the state of Florida null and void.

so, we're happy. one more example of the "world getting out of our way." Henry and i are magic!!!

well, us magicians, we have this fabulous client who used to facilitate adoptions, and do home studies, and get kids placed in homes. she's been an amazing sounding-board for all kinds of questions that Henry and i come up with between her every-four-week visits to the salon.

she knows that we'll be wonderful parents.

she's on our "team."

before her last trip to the salon a few weeks ago, she calls hysterically excited and leaves us a message on the salon voicemail. she's met this woman at her nail salon and has had this discussion about adoption with several of the women there. she has the name of a social worker/psychotherapist who does what she used to.

she places babies.

she works with an array of adoption attorneys.

she places babies usually within one year.

so, we schedule a meeting...veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery eye-opening to say the least.

Henry and i go into this very excited based on what we've heard.

now, one thing that's interesting to note is that this woman had never met with another gay couple before. the whole adoption ban has only just now changed in Florida. i find it hilarious that she even had to go through the trouble of changing all of the necessary pronouns and hubby/wife bits on our paperwork.

we're trailblazers!!!

she's great. she asks us some questions about ourselves individually, and then about us as a couple...basic things regarding our upbringing, our education, our work, why we want to be fathers...that sort of thing. we tell her about how we met, how long we've been together, and a little "this and that" about how fabulous our life together is.

i should note...and you might find this funny...Henry and i sat on separate sofas in her office at the beginning of our session/ interview...something that i could tell that both of us were a little hesitant to correct once we'd sat down, but that, we admitted to one another later, worried us.

did we seem distant or detached from one another??? or somehow not unified???

of course, we blew through the whole thing with flying colors!!!

we're cool guys.


yeah she places kids...yeah she has connections with attorneys all over the state....and they get paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaid!!!!! do you hear me??? paid.

again, i end up flabbergasted that our quest has lead us to a $20-60,000 price tag.

i know that i constantly harp on this, but i'l never get over it.

so much money!!!!

that said, she did give us tons of info.

we got to find out how the private adoption business works.

holy shit!!!

i thought that the whole outsourcing of surrogacy to India was disturbing!

these lawyers advertise to women who are pregnant. some of them arrange for these women to be "put up," and to have their bills paid and their medical expenses taken care of during the course of their pregnancies. don't get me wrong. there's no way that i think that someone shouldn't be compensated for their "trouble" not matter what we're talking about, but this was alarming.

we learn that some of the lawyers are more or less involved in the girls' lives while they are pregnant. some make sure that they get back and forth to their doctor appointments. they help them with jobs, if they choose to work while "with child."

quite a racket, huh?

something else shocking was that we found out that there is only so much "say so" that anyone (adoptive parent, attorney, or doctor) can do about whatever behavior these young ladies get into while pregnant...i.e. smoking, drinking, drugs...

also shocking...some of these women get pregnant over and over again...they live like this!!!

at any rate, our meeting ends with my head spinning, some recommended reading, and the freedom to contact her if we have any questions...or a check for 60 grand.


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