if i didn't know, now i know...

this post finds my heart a little heavy. i got an unintentionally "ugly" e-mail today.

you see, friends, i spent the afternoon yesterday "Googling" gay-friendly adoption agencies. i got a little excited, and just started cranking out the "information request" forms. it was fun, but if you knew me, you'd know that i can get a little obsessive, a lot quickly...i was feelin' it!!!

now, please know that i know that i am only at the beginnings of my journey into parenthood. i'm very clear on that(even though i want it, and i want it now). i understand that i have much more searching before i find the pathway that ends up being the right one for Henry and i. there're tons of resources out there, loads of people to talk to, and plenty of understanding hearts to help me along the way...but, as i said, i got an e-mail today...it was in response to my inquiry, of course...and it has made me sad...

"Greetings,

Thank you for your interest in the Independent Adoption Center. We
received your information request and I have attached some articles
regarding adoption and our agency that I hope you will find helpful.

I noticed on your web request it was indicated you had been looking for
information on same-sex couple adoptions in Florida. While our agency has no
exclusionary policies based on sexual orientation and support same-sex
parent adoptions, at this time Florida prohibits same-sex parents from
adopting; this law prevents us from facilitating your adoption plans at this
time."

shit. thanks.

i know that i live in florida...one of the most backwards states in the nation...my marriage is not recognized, and is actually illegal here...and it is, in fact, illegal for me to adopt through the state(and clearly illegal for some agencies to even deal with Henry and i).

this is hard.

i left my hometown when i was a young man because i was an "alien" there. i didn't belong. i liken it to a scenario in which i was a transplant-organ being violently rejected by it's new body...

i haven't felt like that in a long time.

i live in the state of florida. i own a business in the city that i live in. i pay taxes to the united states government, and have for my whole adult life. i registered for selective services when i was an 18 year old boy, still in high school. i vote. i do everything that i'm supposed to, as an american.

and i am a second-class citizen.

it feels like having the "wind knocked out of me" when that's brought to my attention, yet again.

i'm not going to rant and rave about that, though. i choose to move forward. i choose to look for another way to make the family that i dream of. i choose to "Google" more gay-friendly adoptions agencies, and to research surrogacy more in-depthly. i choose to make more friends, and to pile more and more people who love me on top of the ones that i already have. i choose to "be the change that i wish to see in the world." i choose to find a way.

but my heart is broken...a little...