Saturday, August 14, 2010

maybe it's just me...

hi friends! here we go again...put your seatbelts on.

i've got a couple of things on my mind. most of them is the result of a many conversations that i've had, but i'm going to start with a recent one i had with a lovely friend of mine, but i'm probably going to ramble on a bit, once i get started...

so, i'm chatting with my girlfriend and i mention that i've started this Blog, and that's it's been really fun getting some of my thoughts, feelings, and some of the information that i've gathered out there for the world to see. i think that i must have forgotten to tell her when i got this show on the road, so i had to catch her up on everything that i've learned. i basically ran down every post that i've made so far...

now, for the purposes of this post and not offending any of the wonderful people that i have ever had the pleasure of discussing any of my possible methods of becoming a father, i plan on funneling my reaction to this particular conversation into an amalgam of reactions that i've felt during others that were similar...i've been having these conversations for a while now...i've educated plenty of people on some of the topics i'm covering in this Blog...i know that i am surrounded by wonderful listeners...i love you all.

that said, i'm having this conversation...and i've already covered the absolute "no" on gays adopting within the state of Florida. we've already moved on to the subject of surrogacy, which everyone is so quick to bring up, by the way. i'm telling her about the outsourcing of surrogacy to India, and how expensive it can be here in the States...blah blah blah...when i tell her how much it can cost, she poops her pants!!!

just kidding!!!

but she is flabbergasted. as am i. i can hadly believe it when i speak the words "one-hundred-and-forty-thousand-dollars" in the same sentence with, "how much it could cost me to become a father."

people have no clue...about lots of things.

i'm finding that none of us really have any clue about things that don't affect us. i include myself in this. i have no clue how much it would cost to put a child into private school, or to send one to college these days. i have no idea how much it rains in Spain this time of year...yadda, yadda...

but lately, i'm also finding that i'm having this irritated reaction to the fact that people have no clue about the costs of these things that are going to directly affect me.

i am going to have to pay to become a father. i will either have to move in order to adopt a child through another State, or to have one placed with me in a more-costly Private Adoption. i have to understand that here, for now, i am somehow less-than most of my fellow citizens, in the eyes of the Law. i may have to pay astronomical sums of money to have a baby using a surrogate. i may have to somehow wrap my head around the idea of "baby-farming" in order to get the family that i have always dreamed of. i am, though, realizing that maybe this is me being quite self-involved at the moment.

this is my journey.


farther along in this conversation, another little something popped up...a question..."do you know anyone that you could ask to have the baby for you?"

um, no.

listen, i know that there're people out there who have wonderful friends who have done this for them. i've seen the movies, and read the happy ending stories. i know that some women might jump at the chance to do something amazing like this for friends that mean the world to that they might look at as being the perfect guys to be a father to some deserving child.

i wish it was me.

i just don't have those friends.

this isn't the first time that someone has thrown something like this out to Henry and i. several acquaintances have told us that we should just find someone to "have a baby for us."

how does this happen?!! who does this?!!

what aggravates me is that something that is so easy for some people, making a family...having such an up-hill battle for Henry and i. it is not my "birth-right" to have a child. i cannot do it on my own. for now, i cannot adopt a child that needs a loving home. it's unfair, and it makes me cry...but it only makes me want to be a father more.

and another thing...there's this suggestion that people throw out sometimes that we should just have a kid with someone, and make this new sort of family it's that easy!!? two dads and a mom...hmmm...or maybe the idea that two gay guys finding two lesbians who want a family also is some sort of gay "ideal family" that people think that we want.

not for nothing...why would two women, who could get pregnant on their own should they choose, want to hitch their wagons to those of two men in order to create this giant multi-parent family? that'd be even harder for the crazy right-wing conservatives to figure out than just the idea of two women or two men wanting to raise families!!!

i want to raise my kind of family. i don't want to make this giant gay commune-type family. i can't imagine anyone thinking that this would be something that would be the "best-case scenario" for a couple of gay guys or gals.

i married my husband just like Mrs. So-and-So married hers...and i want to raise a family with him, not he, and a few of our friends.

but maybe it's just me...


  1. i wish you all the luck in the world, you deserve this as much as i do. i would have love to have you as my father. i love you, kuki

  2. Babe....Im heading to the grocery store. milk, bread, butter and a uterus.
    xoxoxo :)

  3. I, too, wish you all the luck in the world - and I have faith that the children you so clearly deserve will be with you both. the answer will come x