Some of the ABC's of private adoption...

hi friends!!!

this is going to be a good one, so put your seat belts on!

where to begin...so far i've blogged a little about surrogacy, adoption impossibilities, state laws, and our joy at the sudden change in those laws which make the aforementioned adoption impossibilities in the state of Florida null and void.

so, we're happy. one more example of the "world getting out of our way." Henry and i are magic!!!

well, us magicians, we have this fabulous client who used to facilitate adoptions, and do home studies, and get kids placed in homes. she's been an amazing sounding-board for all kinds of questions that Henry and i come up with between her every-four-week visits to the salon.

she knows that we'll be wonderful parents.

she's on our "team."

before her last trip to the salon a few weeks ago, she calls hysterically excited and leaves us a message on the salon voicemail. she's met this woman at her nail salon and has had this discussion about adoption with several of the women there. she has the name of a social worker/psychotherapist who does what she used to.

she places babies.

she works with an array of adoption attorneys.

she places babies usually within one year.

so, we schedule a meeting...veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery eye-opening to say the least.

Henry and i go into this very excited based on what we've heard.

now, one thing that's interesting to note is that this woman had never met with another gay couple before. the whole adoption ban has only just now changed in Florida. i find it hilarious that she even had to go through the trouble of changing all of the necessary pronouns and hubby/wife bits on our paperwork.

we're trailblazers!!!

she's great. she asks us some questions about ourselves individually, and then about us as a couple...basic things regarding our upbringing, our education, our work, why we want to be fathers...that sort of thing. we tell her about how we met, how long we've been together, and a little "this and that" about how fabulous our life together is.

i should note...and you might find this funny...Henry and i sat on separate sofas in her office at the beginning of our session/ interview...something that i could tell that both of us were a little hesitant to correct once we'd sat down, but that, we admitted to one another later, worried us.

did we seem distant or detached from one another??? or somehow not unified???

of course, we blew through the whole thing with flying colors!!!

we're cool guys.

but...

yeah she places kids...yeah she has connections with attorneys all over the state....and they get paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaid!!!!! do you hear me??? paid.

again, i end up flabbergasted that our quest has lead us to a $20-60,000 price tag.

i know that i constantly harp on this, but i'l never get over it.

so much money!!!!

that said, she did give us tons of info.

we got to find out how the private adoption business works.

holy shit!!!

i thought that the whole outsourcing of surrogacy to India was disturbing!

these lawyers advertise to women who are pregnant. some of them arrange for these women to be "put up," and to have their bills paid and their medical expenses taken care of during the course of their pregnancies. don't get me wrong. there's no way that i think that someone shouldn't be compensated for their "trouble" not matter what we're talking about, but this was alarming.

we learn that some of the lawyers are more or less involved in the girls' lives while they are pregnant. some make sure that they get back and forth to their doctor appointments. they help them with jobs, if they choose to work while "with child."

quite a racket, huh?

something else shocking was that we found out that there is only so much "say so" that anyone (adoptive parent, attorney, or doctor) can do about whatever behavior these young ladies get into while pregnant...i.e. smoking, drinking, drugs...

also shocking...some of these women get pregnant over and over again...they live like this!!!

at any rate, our meeting ends with my head spinning, some recommended reading, and the freedom to contact her if we have any questions...or a check for 60 grand.

joel

For Your Father on His Forty-Seventh Birthday...

you know i don't believe in much.

my personality will only let me appear

just so spiritual,

and i'm far from "touchy-feely,"

but i believe in me

and i believe in you.

i have faith in the life we're making

because you make me better than i am,

and for whatever reason

my "crazy" hasn't scared you off just yet.

i believe our love clears the way

for infinite possibilities

for a family, travel to far-flung places,

fits of hysterical laughter,

quiet mornings reading the paper,

and the two of us

turning into old men together.

i believe "the world just gets out of our way"

so that our dreams can come true.

just us, just you, just me.

j.

two e-mails...

hi there friends! my apologies for having gone so long between this post and my last. i felt that i had reached a little bit of an impasse and i wasn't sure how to proceed.

while super excited to be finding out all of the information i had been able to learn about the possibility of international surrogacy cutting down the cost of my Henry and i having a child, we still just don't have thousands of dollars lying around. and i have to admit that i was a little upset to find that, at the time of my inquiry, it was actually illegal for an adoption agency to even place a child with Henry and i due to the fact that we live in the state of Florida.

i have to say that when i found that it was illegal to adopt privately because of where i currently live, i was shocked and a little depressed. as i say above, i felt that i had reached a point where i had no other options since Henry and i aren't moving anywhere else anytime soon.

i also have to share that placing a monetary amount on my ability to have a family, with regards to the idea of surrogacy, doesn't feel good. it's feels miserable, actually. and i also found it sad to feel like i was even beginning to perceive what i had in mind as "buying" a baby.

well...things have changed.

i'll share a quick story...something that i will remember for the rest of my life, especially if i become a father through whatever process.

Henry and i were recently on vacation. we visited some cousins who still live in the town in Spain where his grandparents were from. we spent some time in Morocco and all over the south of Spain.

it was magic!!! a welcome distraction from the "funk" i was in.

anyway, we happened to be on the last stop of our trip. coming home was just on our horizon when i checked my e-mail one morning in Granada, Spain. i had two e-mails telling me basically the same thing.

now, i was aware of a court case here in Florida in which a judge in Miami had declared the decades-old ban on gays adopting unconstitutional. but i guess it had been making it's way through the court system in the state to higher and higher courts. like i said, i was aware, but wasn't sure if i had any faith in the state of Florida making any serious changes.

i was wrong!

both e-mails were from lovely women i know letting me know that evidently this case had made it to a high-enough court and that the final ruling was that this ban was actually unconstitutional.

it was over! gays would be allowed to adopt in Florida! the state had thirty days to appeal this decision, but at the time, the general consensus was that there would be no appeal. at the end of that thirty day mark, the ban would simply cease to be enforced.

so i was shocked.

but i was also stricken by how wonderful my life is. things happen for Henry and i. things work out. i always say to Henry that "the world gets out of our way" so that good things can happen for us.

sudden optimism? me? after being so saddened by my research to this point?

don't be such a cynical a-hole, Joel!

things do change, even in Florida.

now, i'm not going to say that i'm living in a place of restored faith, since my state doesn't recognize my marriage, but...i'm operating from a hopeful place.

j.

paper in my pocket...

the other day i was feeling a little melancholy about the fact that i fell like i'm at a bit of a roadblock with regards to this blog, and my next steps on the journey to parenthood...so i wrote down a little girl's name and a little boy's name on a piece of paper, and i stuck it in my wallet.

i won't tell you the names. you'll all meet them one day. i promise.

i just needed a little positive affirmation for when i feel down.

starting this Blog has inspired to me to look into and to become a part of (or active in)organizations which are making moves in the fight for marriage equality and for getting adoption laws changed in our state. hopefully our upcoming vacation to Spain and Morocco will be restful and galvanizing for the both of us. i'm very excited to get involved...which you shall all hear about in due time.

joel

maybe it's just me...

hi friends! here we go again...put your seatbelts on.

i've got a couple of things on my mind. most of them is the result of a many conversations that i've had, but i'm going to start with a recent one i had with a lovely friend of mine, but i'm probably going to ramble on a bit, once i get started...

so, i'm chatting with my girlfriend and i mention that i've started this Blog, and that's it's been really fun getting some of my thoughts, feelings, and some of the information that i've gathered out there for the world to see. i think that i must have forgotten to tell her when i got this show on the road, so i had to catch her up on everything that i've learned. i basically ran down every post that i've made so far...

now, for the purposes of this post and not offending any of the wonderful people that i have ever had the pleasure of discussing any of my possible methods of becoming a father, i plan on funneling my reaction to this particular conversation into an amalgam of reactions that i've felt during others that were similar...i've been having these conversations for a while now...i've educated plenty of people on some of the topics i'm covering in this Blog...i know that i am surrounded by wonderful listeners...i love you all.

that said, i'm having this conversation...and i've already covered the absolute "no" on gays adopting within the state of Florida. we've already moved on to the subject of surrogacy, which everyone is so quick to bring up, by the way. i'm telling her about the outsourcing of surrogacy to India, and how expensive it can be here in the States...blah blah blah...when i tell her how much it can cost, she poops her pants!!!

just kidding!!!

but she is flabbergasted. as am i. i can hadly believe it when i speak the words "one-hundred-and-forty-thousand-dollars" in the same sentence with, "how much it could cost me to become a father."

people have no clue...about lots of things.

i'm finding that none of us really have any clue about things that don't affect us. i include myself in this. i have no clue how much it would cost to put a child into private school, or to send one to college these days. i have no idea how much it rains in Spain this time of year...yadda, yadda...

but lately, i'm also finding that i'm having this irritated reaction to the fact that people have no clue about the costs of these things that are going to directly affect me.

i am going to have to pay to become a father. i will either have to move in order to adopt a child through another State, or to have one placed with me in a more-costly Private Adoption. i have to understand that here, for now, i am somehow less-than most of my fellow citizens, in the eyes of the Law. i may have to pay astronomical sums of money to have a baby using a surrogate. i may have to somehow wrap my head around the idea of "baby-farming" in order to get the family that i have always dreamed of. i am, though, realizing that maybe this is me being quite self-involved at the moment.

this is my journey.

welcome.

farther along in this conversation, another little something popped up...a question..."do you know anyone that you could ask to have the baby for you?"

um, no.

listen, i know that there're people out there who have wonderful friends who have done this for them. i've seen the movies, and read the happy ending stories. i know that some women might jump at the chance to do something amazing like this for friends that mean the world to them...men that they might look at as being the perfect guys to be a father to some deserving child.

i wish it was me.

i just don't have those friends.

this isn't the first time that someone has thrown something like this out to Henry and i. several acquaintances have told us that we should just find someone to "have a baby for us."

how does this happen?!! who does this?!!

what aggravates me is that something that is so easy for some people, making a family...having children...is such an up-hill battle for Henry and i. it is not my "birth-right" to have a child. i cannot do it on my own. for now, i cannot adopt a child that needs a loving home. it's unfair, and it makes me cry...but it only makes me want to be a father more.

and another thing...there's this suggestion that people throw out sometimes that we should just have a kid with someone, and make this new sort of family unit...like it's that easy!!? two dads and a mom...hmmm...or maybe the idea that two gay guys finding two lesbians who want a family also is some sort of gay "ideal family" that people think that we want.

not for nothing...why would two women, who could get pregnant on their own should they choose, want to hitch their wagons to those of two men in order to create this giant multi-parent family? that'd be even harder for the crazy right-wing conservatives to figure out than just the idea of two women or two men wanting to raise families!!!

i want to raise my kind of family. i don't want to make this giant gay commune-type family. i can't imagine anyone thinking that this would be something that would be the "best-case scenario" for a couple of gay guys or gals.

i married my husband just like Mrs. So-and-So married hers...and i want to raise a family with him, not he, and a few of our friends.

but maybe it's just me...

my biological clock...

i've had a few days to think about this...to digest having come so close to what could be an answer to the question of "How the hell are Henry and i going to have a baby?!!"

a few nights ago, i spoke to Doron Mamet Of Tammuz International Surrogacy, founder of a company that was the subject of a documentary that i've mentioned in this blog a few times before. he had graciously stayed up until around one o'clock in the morning in Isreal to give me a call to chat about his company and the services they offer.

it was very interesting to speak with him. i was a little starstruck, if that makes sense. he is a gay man. he is a father. he and his partner wanted a child, and finally decided to go with surrogacy as a means to build their family. i definitely felt a connection and a level of understanding there.

he has what i have always wanted.

Doron gave me tons of information to think about. he elaborated on much of the information that i'd already checked out on his website, which helped because i instantly forgot most of the questions that i had for him as soon as we started speaking(i really should write things down!!!). he answered some questions about timeline, finances, and exactly how thing would work, should Henry and i choose to use his company to move forward. i have his e-mail, should any additional questions come to mind. basically, no muss, no fuss. they're there when we're ready. hmmmm...

i think that i would like to have had Henry on the phone with me when i spoke with Doron. i think that i would love for him to have been a part of the questions that i had to ask, but i am the one of us writing this blog. i am the one experiencing my own feelings and excitement...and occasional disappointments.

i felt a little weird when i'd gotten off of the phone. i had all of this energy coming out of my ears, and was breathlessly tying to explain to Henry my entire twenty minute conversation as fast as possible. he sat and listened, but he wasn't ready to jump though the ceiling like me...

Henry is very much of the mind that, when we are meant to have a child, it will happen easily.

i am a bit more aggressive, and forceful, one might say...or compulsive.

fine.

i just think that my biological clock is ticking, and i'm perfectly willing to push to get what i want in life.

after recently coming to the realization that there's no way for me to adopt, as long as i live in the backwards state that i live in, i'm excited that there's an option for us. i'm excited!!!

that's me.

it's just that i feel really amazing at this point in my life. i am married to an amazing man. we have an unbelievably magical life with one another...which could only be made more wonderful by having babies, and raising a family.

tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...

joel

Florida Law

today is the day that i received a little clarification regarding Florida adoption law...uncertainty and my being just at the beginnings of my research on all things gay adoption/surrogacy lead me to contact a local attorney's office. the answer is as follows...

"Unfortunately, the Law does not permit a person in a homosexual relationship to adopt, wether from the state or privately. If a person is not in a homosexual relationship; i.e, cohabitating with a person of the same sex, then he or she may be able to adopt. Please call if you would like further clarification."

now, i think i thought i knew this, since the day that i got my first response from that adoption agency recently. i'm not suprised. i think i mourned a little that day...i did a little bit today when i got this repsonse, and i don't think that i need any more "clarification."

i'd read this same bullshit on some website or forum about someone not being in a relationship being able to slip through the cracks, and actually get a child placed with them for adoption. i also read some things about couples actually splitting up for a while in order to be able to adopt. All this based on the sympathies of some people who work within the system, and their personal openess and empathy with regards to gays who would be willing to use deception to build their families.

to that i say, there is no way i would go through the process of meeting someone, falling in love, becoming the best of friends, getting "hitched," and actually making the decision to make a family...just so that Henry and i could live in seperate houses and pretend not to be exactly what we are, MARRIED FAGS, in order to have a kid.

never fear friends...it's just a little "shot in the arm" for me. we have the will, so there will be a way.

joel

if i didn't know, now i know...

this post finds my heart a little heavy. i got an unintentionally "ugly" e-mail today.

you see, friends, i spent the afternoon yesterday "Googling" gay-friendly adoption agencies. i got a little excited, and just started cranking out the "information request" forms. it was fun, but if you knew me, you'd know that i can get a little obsessive, a lot quickly...i was feelin' it!!!

now, please know that i know that i am only at the beginnings of my journey into parenthood. i'm very clear on that(even though i want it, and i want it now). i understand that i have much more searching before i find the pathway that ends up being the right one for Henry and i. there're tons of resources out there, loads of people to talk to, and plenty of understanding hearts to help me along the way...but, as i said, i got an e-mail today...it was in response to my inquiry, of course...and it has made me sad...

"Greetings,

Thank you for your interest in the Independent Adoption Center. We
received your information request and I have attached some articles
regarding adoption and our agency that I hope you will find helpful.

I noticed on your web request it was indicated you had been looking for
information on same-sex couple adoptions in Florida. While our agency has no
exclusionary policies based on sexual orientation and support same-sex
parent adoptions, at this time Florida prohibits same-sex parents from
adopting; this law prevents us from facilitating your adoption plans at this
time."

shit. thanks.

i know that i live in florida...one of the most backwards states in the nation...my marriage is not recognized, and is actually illegal here...and it is, in fact, illegal for me to adopt through the state(and clearly illegal for some agencies to even deal with Henry and i).

this is hard.

i left my hometown when i was a young man because i was an "alien" there. i didn't belong. i liken it to a scenario in which i was a transplant-organ being violently rejected by it's new body...

i haven't felt like that in a long time.

i live in the state of florida. i own a business in the city that i live in. i pay taxes to the united states government, and have for my whole adult life. i registered for selective services when i was an 18 year old boy, still in high school. i vote. i do everything that i'm supposed to, as an american.

and i am a second-class citizen.

it feels like having the "wind knocked out of me" when that's brought to my attention, yet again.

i'm not going to rant and rave about that, though. i choose to move forward. i choose to look for another way to make the family that i dream of. i choose to "Google" more gay-friendly adoptions agencies, and to research surrogacy more in-depthly. i choose to make more friends, and to pile more and more people who love me on top of the ones that i already have. i choose to "be the change that i wish to see in the world." i choose to find a way.

but my heart is broken...a little...

a chit chat with my mom...

So, yesterday evening I had a nice, long chat with my Mom. I was telling her all about having started this blog(she hasn't read anything on here yet...she's not very internet-savy), and what it's going to be about, yadda yadda yadda...She's excited, needless to say. She just wants a grandkid!!!

I wanted to run by her the idea of this documentary, Google Baby, some thoughts on using a surrogate, and the fact that I had contacted TAMMUZ.COM to find out a little more about how their whole operation works.

side note:I have been contacted by that company. We're in the process of setting up a time for a conference call to chat. I'm sure I'll have more on that subject very soon. Maybe I can get him to send me a copy of the documentary so I can see it!!!

Okay! Right! Back on topic.

So, in discussion with my Mom, I told her that I had some weird feelings about using a surrogate. Especially one all the way around the world in India. I expressed that I thought that I'd also have similar feelings about using a surrogate here in the United States. The only difference for us using an American surrogate, I guess, would be the fact that I would be a little more able to be a "part" of the pregnancy. you know, calling every so often to see how things were going, bothering her by telling her not to work to hard, etc...

I basically feel strange about the idea of baby farming...But then, I am a very matter-of-fact guy...

My Mom's take on the whole thing is, that if Henry and I have a baby, through adoption or surrogacy...everything, whichever process we choose, is a means to an end. The end result being...Henry and I having the family that both of us dream about. And isn't that what all this is all about?

I think it is...

I think that everyone I could ask about any of this would have something different to say... something about adoption, and where from, that might make someone nervous...something about which surrogacy service and their methods that might creep someone else out. But it is my path.

Only Henry and I can say what's right for the two of us. And in general, I think that there are parts of my journey that might not sit well with lots of people...We can only follow our heats. Henry and I, and loads of other families looking into adoption or surrogacy, are swimming upstream here. This is our New Frontier, our Outer Space, our 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. There're no rules...except ones that prevent us from adoption, or even being legally married, in our own state(Florida) for us to follow.

But I intend on having what is rightfully mine, in this world, before anyone tells me I'm allowed to have it...then I'll give 'em all the finger while pushing 2 babies in a stoller, while Henry has one on his shoulders, and is holding the hand of another...

Joel

just a little thank you...

okay, so i'm going on and on about this blog on my facebook page and i just wanted to share a little bit of the love that has been sent our way. i'm not using the names of our friends, but i am going to use their exact quotes...

"I love it! Best of luck with your journey!"

"You are what I've always wanted"...so beautifully said. Any child would be lucky you have you. And your mom rocks"

"I can't wait to read more as you continue this journey."

"JOEL,, I AM NOT EVEN SURE THAT YOU REMEMBER WHO I AM... BUT I REMEMBER YOU AND WE HAD MANY GOOD FUN TIMES TOGETHER. ANYWAY,, THE POINT TO THIS MESSAGE IS I READ YOUR BLOG,, WHICH I REALLY ENJOYED BY THE WAY... AND I SAW WHERE YOU AND HENRY WANT TO HAVE A CHILD. I THINK THAT IS THE BEST THING EVER.. SO PRECIOUS! I DO NOT KNOW ANY OTHER WAY TO SAY THIS EXCEPT JUST SAY IT,, ONLY BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO OFFEND YOU...BUT MY AUNT IS IN A SAME SEX RELATIONSHIP,, AND WELL THEY HAVE A LITTLE GIRL! I KNOW THAT THIS MIGHT NOT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU,, BUT I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT THEY ARE VERY VERY HAPPY WITH THEIR FAMILY AND ARE WONDERFUL PARENTS. BASICALLY... I JUST WANTED TO WISH YOU WELL, AND TELL YOU THAT I THINK THAT IT IS SO PRECIOUS!"

"Hi Joel, I signed onto your blog and read the first paragraph and my eyes filled up with tears. I look forward to watching your progress. My story may not be the same, but I tried for years to have my Sophia so I understand the want and "need" to be a parent. There is nothing more fullfilling. The road may not be smooth, but well worth the hard work. I'm sure you have wonderful support, but want you to know I am here if you are looking for more! Much love to you and Henry. XO"

you guys will never know how lovely it feels to be surrounded by so much love at the beginning of a journey like this. it's wonderful to know that henry and i have so many people who think so highly of us that you take the time to say so. thank you, thank you, thank you all so very much...and not just those that are showing us love on facebook, but to those of you who are commenting right here on my blog.

joel

My introduction to the idea of outsourcing...

Hi Friends! Below you'll find the theatrical trailer for the HBO documentary Google Baby...

Now, let me tell you why this is interesting.

So a good friend(and client) comes in to the Salon the other day...blah blah blah...we're chatting like normal...blah blah blah...and I mention to her that I'm starting this blog, and she gets super excited. She loves Henry and I, and she's just sure that we'd make fabulous parents.

But that's what everyone who loves us is going to say!!!

I love it!

A quick aside...you all will never know what the positive statements and the well-wishes coming to us from people in our world mean...

So back to this conversation with our friend...she's just seen this documentary on HBO called Google Baby, and says that we must check it out.

So I did...I Googled it.

Now, of course, she'd explained to us what this documentary was about, and that peaked my interest. Come to find out that the movie is all about outsourcing surrogacy to India.

Yes. You heard me right. Outsourcing.

I haven't seen it yet, but I will.

I did, however, check out the company that's profiled in the film and to paraphrase, yes...they are outsourcing the surrogacy process in order to cut costs. I'm not sure if it's common knowledge(and everyone always says, "You guys should totally use a surrogate!"), but it can be super expensive!!! To the "tune" of $150,000 expensive!!!

I checked out the company at TAMMUZ.COM.

The company's owner(a gay Israeli who went through the process if surrogacy, and did spend the aforementioned wads of money with his partner), lays out a pretty upfront personal statement face-front on the company's website. It also goes into some brief explanations about costs, donors, the surrogates, etc...

So I filled out an information request form, and we shall see. But from the information I found on their website, they can cut the cost of having a baby using an Indian surrogate in half(and maybe more) depending on what "plan" you choose.

Yes, I said which "plan" you choose!!!

I have to say that not spending the amount of money you could buy a house with just to have my dream of having a family come true is appealing. The possibility actually amazes me. It makes me excited. I have always wanted this, but it does make me a bit uncomfortable on a couple of different levels.

Maybe I'll discuss those a little more at length when I learn more about the company and it's methods. I'll let you all know when I get whatever information that they send my way.

Nice to meet you...

My name is Joel Batten-Amador. I'm 34 years old, and I grew up in the 1980's in a cute little town in North Carolina called Goldsboro. I spent my childhood there rather idyllically. I grew up in a place where I could play hide-and-seek in corn fields.

Really!!!

I was a part of this roving band of children comprised of myself and the children of my mother's good friends. We played outside after dark when the streetlights would come on, we climbed trees, jumped fences, and jumped out of swing-sets when we were going really high. We had it pretty good.

My Mom, Mary Jo, raised me on her own with a lot of help from my grandparents. Mary Jo was a pretty remarkable woman, but I'm sure most sons would say the same of their mothers. She is such a nurturer, and from my understanding, she always was. She was the kind of girl who baby-sat all the kids in her neighborhood or in her church community when she was a girl. She was a "Mommy," even when she was a young girl, even before she was my Mommy.

It was what she always wanted.

I think that she had a relatively normal adolescence and early adulthood. She got in trouble some, she was a "challenge" for my grandparents from time to time, but she grew into womanhood in similar fashion to most of her contemporaries.

In 1975 she got pregnant, and this is where things get interesting.

I now have to take just a moment to preface a bit with the fact that I never knew my father, and that my mother and I never talked about him very much.

That is a whole other blog!!!

For as long as I remember, and even now in my aduly life, I always imagined that questioning her regarding him might have been too painfl for her. I clearly remember being oblivious to the fact that my not having a father was anything to bat an eyelash at. I had a wonderful Grandfather(My Pop-Pop),and my Mom's brother(my Uncle Sammy) were both there to pick up the slack of my not having a dad by teaching me how to throw baseballs, footballs, and to change tires and things like that.

Please remember, I had a fabulous childhood.

Really.

My Mom was magic!!!

Or was that manic?

Who can remember?

Maybe a little of both.

But with regards to my Mother and father, I know this much...

She wanted me and he didn't.

That was that, and I don't think that they lasted much longer than it took for him to find out that she was pregnant, and for them to have that conversation.

I was what she had always wanted.

At any rate, I was born and went on to become quite a funny, smart, weird kid. I made it through junior high and high school without too many scars...well maybe I have a few, but that's a matter for my therapist and I once I become a famous author. I went to college primarily to get the hell out of a town that, at some point during my youth, had just become too damned small for me. In college, I net some of the most amazing people that I have ever known in my life! We did lots of drugs and had tons of fun in clubs and warehouses(used as club venues) all over the southest.

Excess and a little bit of my own personal "crazy" led me back to my hometown for a little rest from the life that I'd created for myself.

Oops!!!

Once back home, I promptly found myself another group of friends and a "healthy" new life of more drugs, but this time, I added tons of drinking to the mix.

I moved to Florida midway through my twenties, again trying to get the hell out of my hometown, and had a couple of good years before, yet again, moving back to Goldsboro.

This time I was fine, and feeling professional after having worked a job in corporate America for a while. This time i was going to cosmetology school, which I did, all while falling back into my "old routine."

Nice huh???

Barely surviving into my late twenties, I moved yet again back to Florida with the help of a great friend, who also helped my land a job at a high-end salon in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Now this is where my life takes a drastic turn. I meet someone, we have an amazing couple of years of getting to know one another, we become each others' best friends, and then we decide to get married. We spend a year planning it. We invite some of our closest friends and family up to Boston for an unforgettable wedding.

That was last year.

It is now the summer of 2010, we've been together since 2006(married for just under one year), and we have decided that we would like to have a baby.

There's just one problem...

We're gay!!!

Here i have to admit that I haven't been very passionate about much in my life up until now. I've had almost any job you could imagine, and some you'd never be able to imagine me doing, if you knew me. I tried college, rather unsuccessfully, a time or two. Nothing took until just about six years ago.

But I have always wanted to be a Father to a child. I think that a great deal of my desire to raise a child some from the fact that I had no actual father of my own, and I'm sure that there's issues involving this that I should probably discuss with that therapist one day.

But here and now, I find myself on the verge of a new frontier.

I've managed to survive the rigors of my early adulthood, and have somehow managed to find the man of my dreams.

He and I would love to have a family.

This is what I have always wanted.

You are what I have always wanted.

The subsequent blog entries are intended to be a blow-by-blow account of how My Henry and I figure out how to become parents. I plan on including my research on surrogacy, all sorts of adoption options, my own thoughts and feelings along the way, how we figured out who's last name you'd have, and anything else I can cram into the blogospehere(or in between two covers), and we begin our journey into parenthood and the next chapter in our lives. I'm going to write how I write, I'll write how I think, and I'll leave it to some fancy editor to sort out one day.